Tasting Recovery in Italy

So I know I’ve mentioned this previously….. but it’s a very common misconception that those who are battling with eating disorders don’t like food. I’ve met many other sufferers over the years and I’ve definitely seen people who are fearful of food or certain foods. I’ve met people who don’t believe they deserve the pleasure of food. But I don’t think I’ve met a single eating disorder patient who dislikes food. In fact sometimes we can appear to be quite obsessed with it. It was actually one of the things my friends and family struggled to understand after my diagnosis because I had always been somewhat of a foodie. I was the girl who dunked biscuits in her tea for breakfast (still do occasionally – this is technically called a “Dippy” btw). I was obsessed with pizza and peanut butter sandwiches – although not together, and all of my childhood friends will have had at least one visit to my home’s “Yummy Cupboard.” I suppose this is where eating disorders can be particularly cruel and difficult. Can you imagine wanting something; needing something to survive but denying yourself it anyway? With any other “addiction” you can and are advised to stop taking the particular substance, sometimes even going cold turkey. This is impossible with an eating disorder because you HAVE to eat each day. Every meal can feel like coming face to face with a beautiful, intoxicating and terrifying kryptonite , over and over and over. But to truly get better, this is a reality we have to face. These feelings may never go away, but recovery is all about managing how I react to the stimulus of food. Instead of it being my enemy, or the thing that will make me fat; I’m learning to view food as fuel for my body. Fuel to do all of the wonderful things I want to do; to see all of the incredible sights I want to see. I figured that having two trips to Italy in the space of 8 weeks was the perfect time to put this in to practice.  So here I am, out in the big, wide world, exploring what tasting recovery in Italy is really like.

“I wanna go someplace where I can marvel at something. Gelato, Spaghetti, Something!” – Elizabeth Gilbert

So breaking it down a little, I was lucky enough to visit Verona, Malcesine in Lake Garda and then finally, Sardinia. Being of Italian descent, there is something so incredibly special about going to Italy and enjoying it’s cuisine. In fact, I really couldn’t tell you how much pasta I actually enjoyed – A LOT! My main regret is refreshingly not how much of it I consumed, but how little of it I photographed. But for anyone who knows me very well, this is a true testament to how delicious these dishes must have been for me to eat them before even thinking about snapping them.

What I love about Italian food is how simple it usually is. The pasta sauces contain few ingredients, but the ones that are present are locally sourced and very fresh. In fact you can travel just a short distance in Italy and find the taste of things differs massively; because they tend to use what is available and grown in that area. They can also interpret things differently too . In Sardinia for example, I asked for french fries in one town and got “typical” french fries. In another area, maybe just 10 miles away, I asked for the same and got hand cut, freshly cooked potato crisps. Both were delicious, don’t get me wrong. But just be prepared for the fact that there is no “one size fits all here.”

The pasta in the first two photographs below, I actually ate in Verona. I sat alone, in a small courtyard at a restaurant called Il Cantinon as the sun began to set. I asked the waiter to bring me whatever pasta dish he recommended and I was given one of the best Spaghetti Bolognese I’ve ever had. I really did feel like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love because in that moment, I didn’t care if anyone was watching. I was just a girl, sitting in front of a big bowl of spaghetti; and boy was I going to enjoy it.

“I’m having a relationship with my pizza” – Eat Pray Love

As I’ve already mentioned, Pizza and I go a long way back. In fact, much to my parents’ amusement, my first job was at Pizza Hut. I’ve never quite been able to get enough of the stuff since my very first slice in JFK airport aged 4. But actual Italian pizza is something else right? Again it tends to be interpreted differently all over the country. For example, the pizza in the photo was from a small cafe/bar in Budoni, Sardinia. It was actually served on a bruschetta type bread. Light, crispy and God damn delicious.

In Lake Garda I had my first ever marinara pizza (no cheese, just sauce, herbs and garlic) and it was perfection. Who knew a pizza could taste so good without any real topping? Well Italian pizza can. And the thing I love most about the pizza here is that it doesn’t feel too heavy or too greasy. It’s actually light, fresh and best of all – garlicky. The Sardinian hotel I stayed in also made, hands down, the best garlic focaccia bread I’ve ever tasted. It was prepared on site every single day, salt baked in to the crust, then cooked in their pizza oven. I’ll give you one guess who had a portion (or two) pretty much every single night……….

Tutto è possibile dopo il caffe

And coffee….. how can we not talk about Italian coffee? In all three of the destinations I visited I sampled espressos, lattes and everything in between. I’m quite certain that my new favourite may be a macchiato. An espresso with just a splash of warm, foamed milk. It was the most wonderful way to start each morning. Especially when said coffee was consumed looking out over Lake Garda with the sunshine on my face.  I’m not sure what it is about Italian coffee that makes it so delicious but I’m certain I’ve never enjoyed drinking it as much as I did here. And not once did I ask for ‘skinny milk’ – mainly because I couldn’t, but still – recovery win!

“Mangi il gelato”

And lastly……. Dessert. My tooth is undeniably sweet and let’s face it, besides the pasta, the pizza and the coffee, what is Italy best known for……..? GELATO!!!  It’s a sad state of affairs that being in recovery often means that I am full now after a main course, as my body readjusts to proper portion sizes. But I did manage to get my lips round one or two scoops of the silky, delicious, delicacy. In Malcesine it was mint choc chip, a firm favourite.  In Sardinia I stepped out of my comfort zone a little and tried Tiramisu flavour and then ultimately, my new numero uno – Hazelnut.

I’m aware that all of this makes it just sound incredible and easy…… there were of course times when it wasn’t. Times when I had to give myself a proper talking to. Times when I had to psych myself up and times when I just had to breathe. All of the food I ate in Italy/Sardinia was undoubtedly delicious… but as I mentioned above, the food often isn’t the problem, it’s just the symptom. There were definitely days where I could have gotten away with skipping meals, I may have even wanted to. But ‘m proud to say that I didn’t and I’m still standing solid at three meals every single day. What I absolutely do know is that these trips have made me realise how much I would be missing if I were still in my rigid, restrictive mindset. The world is out there to be enjoyed, and this life is so very short. I don’t want to look back one day and regret not having tried everything that I wanted to. I’ve already missed out on so much. And I tell myself that with each bite of something new or something that I just fancy, I am pushing that noisy eating disorder voice further and further away from me. That in itself is motivation enough to keep trying, keep travelling and keep tasting.

So in conclusion, I’m very much aware that I haven’t been to every country of the world but when it comes to “Tasting recovery in Italy……” There’s no place I’d rather have as a starting point. Where will be my next destination I wonder?

Beth Anne xoxo