Getting started with intuitive eating

Food……. So by now you’re probably thinking “This woman is always banging on about food. What is the deal?”  Well allow me to tell you. I’m about to turn 35. Which means I’ve been breathing oxygen for almost 307,000 hours – crazy right? Well, even more so when you consider that I’ve probably spent at least half of those hours obsessing about food; one way or another.  What I can eat, can’t eat, want to eat, how much of it can I have, fat, calories, the amount of star jumps I’d need to do….. it goes on and on.  Sometimes I’m upset when I think of how much of my precious time on this earth I have wasted. Often, I’m angry. And these past few weeks have really hammered this home for me. Losing my beloved dog, Mischa and preparing for a house move threw me back in to the central vortex of anxiety induced restriction. I’ve always managed to battle my way out eventually, thrusting my meal plan forward like a shield. It was my protection and it was also my best weapon. But this time I didn’t want to write a meal plan. I didn’t want a god damn meal plan anywhere near me as a matter of fact. I knew I had to eat, that’s a given, but I am SO OVER having to plan every single meal. Is this what I need to do for the rest of my life? I’m certain that I can’t and I’m even more certain that I don’t want to.  And so, being the spontaneous (another reason why meal plans are draining me), stubborn soul that I am, I decided I needed something new in my arsenal. And here I am, getting started with intuitive eating.

What is Intuitive Eating?

Now before I get in to what this is or isn’t I just want to say, for the record, the “meal plan” was a fundamental tool for me when I first entered treatment. It isn’t without purpose. In fact, I relied on my plans heavily for a long, long time. But now, out in the world and out on my own, it just doesn’t always feel practical. And dare I say it…… something about it still feels a tiny bit restrictive. Not in terms of quantities but just the controlling of everything I consume. I feel like it’s perhaps served its purpose and now I need something more, something that will push me to keep growing.

So how do I best put in to words what getting started with intuitive eating actually means…… It’s essentially the anti diet. It’s as far away from a diet as you can physically be. And I guess the only rules are there are NO SPECIFIC RULES.

Intuitive eating is quite simply eating what YOU WANT and when you want. I must admit that when I first realised this I almost had a panic attack. Can you imagine the level of fear that eating freely brings to the mind of someone who has been constantly berated about every food related decision they make? Yeah. I’m scared. I’m worried that eating in this way will lead to bingeing and to excessive weight gain. Because let’s face it, I am now many months in to my recovery and my body is still constantly reminding me that it’s hungry. It’s like it’s terrified that at any point I could bring about another famine. And let’s be honest, that’s what I’ve been doing isn’t it? Whenever I’ve been sad, hurt, angry, stressed….. I’ve gone back to restricting. No wonder my body is so confused. And even though I am weight restored I guess I still have a long standing energy deficit debt to pay back when you think of how many days, weeks, years I restricted my intake for.

I digress. So how on earth does one transition from a fairly regimented meal plan to this perpetual food freedom? Well, I’m only a few days in (lol) so as enthusiastic a “tour guide” as I may be, I don’t actually have all the knowledge and answers just yet. But I have of course researched it thoroughly (like MI6 style – don’t know why they haven’t head-hunted me yet actually) because I always like to know what I’m getting myself in to.

An intuitive eater is defined as a person who “makes food choices without experiencing guilt or an ethical dilemma, honors hunger, respects fullness and enjoys the pleasure of eating.”

In 1995 Dietitians Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole were the first people to actually turn this way of eating in to a program – which is all laid out in their book Intuitive Eating. And very similar to the 10 commandments, they have their own set of principles to help free us from our dieting dungeons. Whilst some people may read it and think “What on earth is this fantasy way of living” the approach has actually been adopted by several eating disorder recovery programs since its conception.

The focus here is on actually listening to the body, and giving it what it wants. By doing so we are then eliminating cravings, binges etc (eventually) because the body is nutritionally balanced, it’s happy, it feels safe. It’s common knowledge that restricting in any form, whether that be a diet – carb free, paleo, sugar free, low fat or even if it’s full blown anorexia. The body reacts to these restrictions by sending us messages that it is deficient, that it is IN NEED of the things we aren’t giving it. This is why people yo-yo diet. This is why people live in the hell of restrict/binge cycles. And whilst getting started with intuitive eating may mean that we eat carbs or protein (whatever our particular vice) in abundance, it won’t be that way forever. The body KNOWS what it is doing. Why aren’t we trusting it?

Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food

This is one of my favourite of the principles and the one I am focusing on as a starting point because THIS is my Achilles heel. Food, or lack of it is not the answer to my problems. And when you think about it, when you actually break it down, I realise just how crazy it sounds. “Hey Beth, so you know that you’re really upset about what has happened today. Do you think not eating anything is going to make you feel better? Is that really the answer in this situation?” IT ISN’T and it doesn’t help. Because all the starvation does is numb the feeling, it doesn’t change the stimulus. Food, or lack of it will NOT solve the problem. So what will I do instead? I’m really, really trying to be better at self care and to find ways to comfort and nurture myself when I’m dealing with something. So far….. it’s tough. Breaking any kind of habit always is. But what’s the worst that can happen if I actually manage to get on board with this?

Make Peace with Food

What a shock horror statement in today’s diet culture obsessed world that insists on labelling all foods “Good” or “Bad.” I’ll let you in on a little secret – it’s bullshit. There is no “good” or “bad.” There is no devil on your shoulder. Perhaps the reason I get so terrified of butter or cheese is because I’ve spent so long telling myself it was forbidden. The reality of the matter is, if I let myself eat it, I’m not going to gorge on it, nothing bad will happen. I just need to let myself do it! And then there’s the alien concept of actually asking myself what I want – not what did I write on my plan 4 days ago? What do I actually want right now? Then eating it. At home in private or out in public. I have permission to do it and there are no strings attached.

I really feel like these intuitive eating principles tie in so well with the article I wrote on body neutrality. If we start thinking of food as just sustenance, just the fuel our body needs, or a source of pleasure even; isn’t that the answer? We have attached so many things to food choices that we’ve become bewitched by it. I have at times, literally put my life on hold in pursuit of thinness or the perfect body. What if I instead give my body simply what it is asking for, what it needs to function and I focus on just living my life; right now. I appreciate for someone like me, or anyone in fact who has been a slave to the dieting industry, it seems like a pretty big ask. But as I mentioned above, what’s the worst that can happen by trying? The mindset I have been in for so much of the past really hasn’t worked out for me, so why not change it up?

So whilst I am only just getting started with intuitive eating, something about it just feels and sounds right to me. I promise to follow up, good or bad in a month or so. But just to prove that I’m not all talk, today isn’t a particularly great day but I have just chowed down on potato cakes drenched in butter – because I can. Because right now, this body is saying YES.

Love, as always

Beth Anne xoxo