Body Neutrality vs Body Positivity

As an avid instagrammar, Facebooker and Tweeter – It’s been pretty much impossible to ignore the “Body Positivity” movement, or BOPO as it’s affectionately known. And whilst this has become a huge social campaign in recent years, the movement itself isn’t a new one.  Back in the 1850’s women created the Victorian Dress Reform Movement – demanding acceptance for all body types and opposing the trend of tight lacing. Though the pressures on women in those days to dress and mould their bodies in a certain way are insanely different to what we face today, it seems that we have always felt this sense of unease or injustice towards our bodies and how we feel about them.  As a person who is in recovery from an eating disorder and a sufferer of body dysmorphia, I have watched the BOPO movement from a distance with a sort of morbid curiosity.  Like the awful way in which we can’t help but stare at a car crash or some type of event that happens in front of us.  Not that I’m comparing any woman’s body or this movement to a car crash, it’s just that I have felt ever so slightly uncomfortable being told to “Just love my body.”  What if I CAN’T?  What if I want to, what if I’ve tried…. but I just can’t?  I’m in awe of those out there who can but dealing with that voice in the back of my head that says “You will never feel this way” made me ashamed and left me feeling somewhat guilty. Like I was betraying the idea of body positivity when I should be embracing it and supporting it.  The truth of the matter is….. I am, on the whole, not positive about my body, and perhaps never will be. And actually that’s ok.  You don’t have to LOVE your body all the time.  You also don’t have to hate it.  Perhaps this is why body neutrality may be the way forward for all of us?

 

What is body neutrality?

The body neutrality movement is not in any way suggesting that body positivity is a bad thing.  We all know it’s a wonderful thing but when you’re in a place where you perhaps can’t “Love Your Body” then body neutrality offers a refreshing alternative.  What if I just accept it instead?  What if I take the focus off how my body looks, how I feel about that and I actually just acknowledge it for the way that it is and for what it does?  Already this makes me feel less panicked, less guilty.  It’s kind of a middle ground right?  It feels more obtainable for somebody like me, safer even. After all I have spent the best part of the past three years at war with this body.  I’ve hated it, starved it, hurt it, avoided looking at it, stood in front of a mirror scrutinising it. I’ve spent hours and hours wanting it to look different, to look like somebody elses’, to be thinner, to be perfect.  So it sure as hell feels like a massive leap to go from “a girl in battle” to “a BOPO girl.”

I’ve been talking about body positivity and body neutrality with my therapist for a while now.  In all of our discussions I have ended up at the same conclusion.  BOPO is wonderful but it still emphasises so much importance on THE BODY. Sometimes I just don’t want to think about mine.  I know it’s there.  I know it does incredible things.  I know it has flaws.  Can I just accept that and not have to highlight any of this to myself or others?  Maybe this is a stepping stone to having a more positive view on myself, but maybe it isn’t.  Maybe body neutrality can be my permanent hang-out and that’s cool too. Because I am more than just my body.  And actually how it looks or what it does plays no real part in defining who I am. Being in this space feels much more attainable.  It feels like so much less pressure.

What does body neutrality mean to me?

I guess what I’m trying to say here, and I hope that this is coming across, is that sometimes we have to learn to walk before we run.  And there’s no time limit on that.  I don’t want to feel rushed in to all of a sudden having this incredible friendship with my body.  I want to just take the time to accept it for what it is.  I want to wake up in the morning and not feel compelled to weigh myself.  I want to assess how myself and my body feel today and then give it what it needs – whether that be a huge breakfast or an intravenous drip of coffee. I want to check myself in the mirror only to ensure I haven’t sat in a pile of dog hair, or my son’s blueberries which are spilled all over the house.  I want to exercise only because I want to, not as a means to punish myself or repent for what I’ve eaten.  I want to make plans with my friends with abandon.  I don’t want to have to check the menus of the restaurants I am going to in advance because I am fearful of the calories.  I want to have incredible sex without worrying that he’s focusing on the areas of my body that I personally have an issue with.  I want to go to bed at night not thinking about any of this.  I want the neutrality.  I want the breathing space.  I want the nothingness.

So I continue to work on it.  With the belief that one day perhaps I will be BOPO’ing the shit out of my Instagram feed. But I’m also ok with the fact that this may never happen.  Because the work that I do really has nothing to do with this body.  Other than the fact that I need it to be able to pick up a camera and I need my brain to be functioning to create and to write.  But how I look, how I feel about that, how you feel about that….. I’m waving the white flag.

Much Love

Beth Anne xoxo

Also: My research in to body neutrality led me to some incredible people and even more incredible campaigns.  If you’re on Instagram then head over to @I_weigh. This movement was created by Jameela Jamil in a bid to help women measure their worth in more than just numbers. Every day new photos are shared of women listing their attributes and accomplishments. Get involved, or not.  But I can definitely vouch for how good it feels to see people celebrating themselves for who they are and not what they look like.