You Don’t Need To Lose Weight Before Lockdown Ends

Yesterday evening I, along with the majority of the UK I assume, was glued to my computer waiting to hear what the government had to say about lockdown and our road map out of it. I wasn’t feeling all that optimistic. I mean, twelve months in, this is all starting to feel a little bit like Groundhog Day isn’t it? Still, as Boris “I’m ten minutes late but still haven’t had the time to brush my hair” Johnson stepped out, I clung to the possibility of good news and of hope. And I suppose he delivered…. as he often does on the “what we want to hear” front. But we’ve all been on the receiving end of a Boris burn once or twice now haven’t we? And what he says isn’t always necessarily what will or should happen. So what I guess I’m getting at here is, it’s nice to have these indicators of when things will happen and when some form of normality may resume. But I shan’t hold my breath.

Anyway, after cutting the briefing a little short because our Prime Minister’s inability to actually answer a question or even structure a sentence properly grates on me (I’m not his biggest fan if you haven’t guessed it yet), I headed over to social media to see what the general consensus on the “good news” was. Any positivity I may have been feeling was snuffed out within seconds of scrolling through Twitter. I genuinely felt suffocated by the one response that seemed to stand out amongst all others. The one I read over and over in such a short space of time –  “I have until June 21st to lose weight and look my best.”

Seriously?

I mean, after everything we’ve been through in the past 12 months, is that our default position? How can I tone up/lose weight/look better? As if emerging from lockdown 3.0 is comparative to a butterfly transforming from the less aesthetically appealing caterpillar. It’s a smack in the face to be honest. I kind of feel like we’ve learned very little. And aside from it being triggering and anxiety inducing for me personally, I also just think that it’s terribly sad.

I’d be lying if I tried to claim that my eating disorder recovery hasn’t been at all impacted by a global pandemic and/or being on lockdown. There have been plenty of times where it has felt impossible. And yes, I have had setbacks. Several of them in fact. But I’m not going to punish myself for that or feel guilty about it because there isn’t a recovery handbook for this kind of unprecedented situation. I’m potentially at my highest weight of my entire recovery journey right now. It’s taken a lot of work for me to be ok with that. I’m never going to be happy about it I don’t think. But on the majority of days I’m able to just sit with it. On other days it really upsets me. That’s the reality of recovery. It is never linear and so many things can have an impact on it. But a pandemic was something I was never banking on, so for right now, I’m just happy to be coming out of lockdown at all. I’m alive. I’m healthy. I’m safe. This is ALL that matters.

The idea that people are now feeling all of this pressure to “fix” their physical appearance in time for the UK opening up; I don’t even have the words to explain how that makes me feel. But, if you are honestly thinking that when you meet up with people at the end of this lockdown, they’ll be judging you for perhaps gaining a little bit of weight……. are they really the people you want in your life after all of this? I would NEVER in a million years look at any of my friends and family when we are actually able to be together and do things and think negatively about their appearance. NEVER. So why, even for a second would I worry that my loved ones would be thinking anything bad about me and/or my body? And it’s actually ok to be leaving lockdown a little heavier than when we went in. I cannot stress just how ok it is if that’s your reality.

You don’t need to lose weight before lockdown ends. You don’t need to diet. You don’t need to over exercise or even exercise at all if you don’t want to. You don’t need to come out of this looking like the best version of yourself. You don’t need to devote another minute or second to speaking badly to yourself about your body. That body of yours has carried you through the most difficult time of our generation. The people who love you and who have missed you just want to see that you made it out of this. They just want to see you smile and they just want to hold you; all of you. So just in case you need to hear it again….. You don’t need to lose weight before lockdown ends.

There will be no more “I must be *insert ideal weight here* by this date” goals in my future and that includes the 21st June 2012. Goodness knows there have been too many already. The only goal I’m setting is to receive as many hugs as possible and to cherish every single one.

Thanks for being here and keep staying safe

Beth Anne xoxo